Constant change !!

Things happen… things change.. thoughts change… times change… all that remains constant is CHANGE itself. Very true.

I never knew before I delivered how much I’d change post having my baby in my arms.. post seeing her grow from an infant into a 2 yr old BIG girl who knows exactly what she wants and sure enough has her way. I now realize the importance of being around for her.. not just what one knew of as “ Quality time” but in all aspects of her day… even if might get a little boring/ challenging for me sometimes as an adult to find myself jumping around like a frog, neighing like a horse, humming nursery rhymes animatedly and matching up to the wild, raw excitement in her eye.

When I conceived, I was very sure I was going to be joining work post 6 months and I did exactly that. Then things happened, things changed, times changed and I found myself in a foreign land with a little baby… still optimistic about finding a job.. not letting go of one’s high career objectives and goals… although I knew, my priorities have definitely shifted, I was ready to take on the tough life of balancing both work and baby together even here. But I was very sure, my baby will never be left in the hands of maids to be looked after.. it had to be a family member if not me. I got support with my aunt who came over to look after baby and the job opportunities were not concrete enough, so I started to write from home.. although not totally new to it, it was a different job profile and I was enjoying that.. sitting locked up in my room all day and telling kunju that I was away at work… it worked… but see.. series of things changed… there were visa issues.. thoughts changed.. aunt had to return to India….

I am a die hard optimist who strongly believes all that happens, happens for good. So I never got upset with my support system no longer there… I decided to take each day as it comes… decided I was definitely not going to be taking up a job now…even if a meaty one came my way.. so what next? Continue to write from home.. fixed another maid who could come and clean and the older maid who kunju is very comfy with could take care of kunju a couple of hours while I was very much around .. just in the next room supervising on the maid from time to time hiding behind the curtains etc.. coming out of my den in regular intervals to bathe, feed, entertain baby ..and then go back into den to finish work…. But as luck would have it.. this lasted only for 2 days… my maid fell sick and I have been with baby all day long.. able to write only when she sleeps… or when bridge returns from work.. it seems impossible for me to write and come up with creative stuff in a stipulated 2 hrs ..first, cause I am not a seasoned writer, it takes me a lot of writing and rewriting to come up with something I approve of, something decent.. and second, I just find it very choking to work this way simply cause I have never done it like this before.. and working from home takes tremendous amount of discipline.. something I need to work very hard on.. its so distracting and there’s just so much happening around… anyway.. so I have had to basically cut down on work … but the most important part is that I don’t mind it at all… I love all the time I spend with her and I can see the difference it makes to her… I feel very glad things happened the way they did.. and it made me realize HOW much there is to do , with her… but now Of course, I have to make sure I do things like play my music which even she enjoys while painting or doing any other activity with her.

So basically… change is constant and how???? I would have never imagined myself to be happy sitting at home post baby… thank god I still have that little work to keep myself sane…Even though i thoroughly enjoy all day with her, I just need to have some concrete, adult stuff, something that keeps me challenged as a professional and lets me be in touch with my industry… writing gives me that and a lot more…

Mad Momma rightly wrote in her blog.. career is not the only route to happiness… I would have never understood that earlier.. but now.. things have changed.. for sure.. for better!!