Parenting guides are plenty..and in various forms… books, maalish walli’s ( masseur) , mom’s, mother in laws, friends, single friends who have never even held a baby ( Ha!!) or never even plan to have one, neighbors, arbid strangers and so on and so forth. I definitely hear what each of them have to say, take deep interest in each of their philosophy, truly believe that they are only doing it with a noble intention of helping me and my baby and i go to great lengths discussing/ debating/ understanding each new approach suggested. But the best guide has always been… who else? .. Kunju herself!!
When she was a couple of days old and we were tying her up into a bundle. the doc said, we really shouldn’t do it… we are restricting her growth, her movement… the maalish waali’s who have looked after baby’s and handle new born’s with the ease that a juggler juggles, vehemently denounce that approach and say horrible things like baby’s limbs will grow haywire if left open, baby will be a insecure child.. baby needs to feel warm and tied up like she was in the womb etc etc. So then? what does one do? And one very well knows that abroad, bundling the baby is never heard of.. massaging of babies is out of the question… and in India, its something one just can’t do without. But the western people seem healthy and fine, don’t they? their limbs dont seem all over the place? hahaha…so then , what should a first time mother who has had zero experience with babies.. or even watching someone else’s baby grow do? I’ts great when your older sibling or very close friend has had a baby and one gets to see everything that goes into baby nurturing.. i simply didnt have any of that. Hello!! i was almost the only one even wanting a baby in my friend circle.
I had read in a coupe of places that one must put oneself in the baby’s place.. try to see things form their POV ( point of view ) , and think if you would like if someone was doing to you, whatever it is, you are doing to baby. hahahaa… great stuff.. if i knew how her stomach felt when she ate a particular thing, whether she was feeling cold or hot, if she was in a mood for a walk..etc.. life would be so sorted bringing up an infant.. for both, the crying poor little infant , and the harrowed parents who go crazy trying to figure out the reasons for their infants discomfort and their incessant wailing. There was one super goody advise about letting your child guide you. That somehow made sense and i somehow believed that my baby would let me know about things, in her own special way.But, for that, i’d have to be super attentive.. be alert and constantly look out for signals.. her unique expression which were her only means to communicate. And i am not kidding.. it worked like wonders. She let me know with her whimpering, and other facial expressions about things that pleased her and things that didn’t. And she has been making me dance around her tiny little finger ever since. Anyway.. so about bundling her up? she herself kicked open the cloth when she was 3 months … and i announced to one and all, no more bundling her up!! she just told me she didnt want it. That’s it.
Similarly, when i’d look at the masseur doing her forceful massage on her, i’d often wonder if kunju was enjoying it at all. ..i ‘d play nice music and be talking to her, entertaining her and playing with her during maalish. When she turned 6 months, she decided and communicated her preference of having me massage and bathe her.. she threw a HUGE fit with the masseur.
Till date, if i am busy preoccupied with something, i have missed out on things she has tried telling me with her unique communication skills… and i have realized much later what she already informed or warned me about.haha!! Also, i think mothers are empowered with a special understanding with regards to their children. How is it, that even when she is in a room full of people, family and friends and she is THE centre of attention… the minute i walk in and just glance at her, i can sense that she has just done her potty??? i am sometimes amazed with myself but i guess when god gives you a responsibility, he kind off offers some skills to enable you handle it as well 
We have had plenty of debates about various things regards to her eating preferences, sleeping sched’s, usage of pram etc ..which have been calmly put to rest with kunju’s clear choice… We have never taken a pram since she started walking to the malls’.. cause she always WANTS to walk.. so there goes.. simple and straight choice!! She spits out whatever she doesn’t like to eat.. simple to follow rgt? there’s always loads of choice you can give her… and slowly try to get her to eat what i think is healthy…ever since a couple of moths old, she hated to be covered when sleeping and she always kicked it away..even in her sleep… off late, i have found her completely stripped right to her diaper when i go to the room in the middle of the night.. i am not kidding.. and even when the weather is not really hot.. so, there’s no need for me to worry..if my baby feel’s hot.. she is quick to strip.. with eyes closed!! hahaha … no struggle there then..
So basically.. to all the first timers, nervous young mothers, hesitant couples, and women who are too soaked into the hajaar parenting books and guides, who wonder how they will cope with a little angle and how to take millions of decisions involved everyday.. take a deep breadth and relax… when you deliver your baby… a hidden guide and book let comes along with them, within them… look in their eyes, feel their heart, ask them lovingly and you shall get ALL your solutions. I did… sure you will too 
There is a danger though.. you are assuming that the child knows what is best for her! that may not be the case always.
I am not suggesting that you impose your will and the ’superior intelligence’ (big deal!!!) on the child but pls draw the mid way between the two so that the child gets to eat the cake and also has it… let her have the fun and also the wisdom that her mother alone can provide her..
haha!! it’s not like i am going to let her cross the street alone JUST becoz she fancies to rgt?? all i am trying to say here.. is that sometimes when we are so lost and petrified making the choices for the child, look at the child and the child can guide you to guide her!!
At the end of it, it is of course the parent who scans though all available choices and is responsible for whatever one allows ..but the guidelines often come from the little one. In my experience, that philosophy has worked wonders.. i am simply sharing that
Of course, what i have written is again not the ultimate guide !! It can benefit those who want to try out that route or can be scoffed by those who say, ” a child is a child..what the hell do they know??” It’s an endless debate for sure
I don’t believe that! can anyone really say ‘what the hell do they know?”.. can anyone be so insensitive and blind to the feelings of the little being.. feelings that are so raw and struggling to find a definition in the adult world!!
I guess it’s more the inability to cope with the joyous expressions of the child and the incompatibility to deal with the demands of the child that one perhaps ends up calling the behaviour “childish”
Kunju’s mom : oh..you will be shocked to learn how many such parents exist!!